


A Wave of Care

by AlixZin



Series: Alex and Lin [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, FosterDadLin, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Panic Attacks, Parent-Child Relationship, Recovery, Sickfic, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9156592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlixZin/pseuds/AlixZin
Summary: Trust is not something that comes easily to Alex. He's not used to being cared for.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Foster Dad Lin Collection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6616012) by [ohNooOOOOoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohNooOOOOoo/pseuds/ohNooOOOOoo). 



> This is set immediately after the events in "Harder"

_There is nothing quite like the initial rush of jumping into the surf._

When Alex comes to the world is completely upside down. With his eyes still closed it takes him a minute to take stalk of the situation. He’s in the air. He’s moving. There is a pressure around his back and under his knees…He’s being carried…Lin. Lin must be carrying him home.

Slowly Alex opens his eyes and glances up at the man holding him bridal style. It’s not Lin. He vaguely recognizes this large man as someone he’s met before, but it doesn’t matter.

Not Lin. Not Lin. Not Lin.

Alex’s breath hitches to a dead stop in his chest as absolute panic seizes him. With his body not functioning properly he has never been so helpless. He has no fight in him to even stop this man from whatever it is he’s planning.

The movement stops and this man, this large muscular _man_ , glances down at him, prompting a terrified Alex to look away.

“That's not good. Lin?!”

Not good is right. He’s made this man holding him, who is _not Lin_ , mad at him. He just made everything so much-

“Alex!” a familiar voice cuts into his panicked thoughts. “Alex, it’s okay mijo. I’m right here. You know this guy. This is Seb's Tío Chris. He’s just helping me get you into a cab. It’s just because he’s a lot stronger than I am, so it’s easier for him to carry you. But I’m right here.”

Even with this reassurance, Alex still can’t take a breath. He’s starting to feel woozy from the lack of air. Stupid. That’s not going to make it easier to fight off his abductor (not that he has a chance anyway).

“Give him to me!” Another set of hands is pulling at him, increasing his panic.

“Lin, he’s light, but he’s only a couple of inches shorter than- “

“I don’t care! He’s not breathing. Give him to me now!” Alex feels himself being awkwardly passed down into a smaller set of arms.

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you Alex. It’s Lin. Take a breath for me buddy. Please, please. Just one breath.”

Lin. Though his vision is blurred from lack of oxygen, he can still make out his face. The knowledge that he’s now safe back in his foster dad’s arms is enough to make his basic survival instincts kick in just enough for him to take a single pained gasp for air.

“Good. Now another one.”

With Lin’s guidance Alex takes several more short gasps for air.

“It’s okay. I’m here. I won’t let anything bad happen. No ones going to hurt you.”

 As long as he’s with Lin it will be all right. It’s a bizarre thought. After his previous foster homes Alex never would have believed he could trust another grown man again, yet being in Lin’s firm hold isn’t terrifying, it’s comforting.

Only now that he’s not in full “fight for his life due to kidnapping” mode, the continued pain in his head hits him like a ton of bricks (hitting him in the head). Combined with the panic and oxygen deficiency it’s too much and he can feel himself slipping unconscious.

_He could float this way for hours. Always loved the sea._

He’s in the air again. Moving. Floating. Only this time going up, up, up. A flight of stairs or a is it a large wave?

“Alexander! Oh my god, what happened?!”

“I texted you about his migraine.”

“Yeah, but I thought…Oh, Lin. It must have been really bad.”

“Extremely… Let’s get Alex to bed and settled first, then I’ll fill you in. It was…is…really bad V.”

He’s deposited into the soft sand, as warm and comforting as a bed.

_The waves of the ocean come down on him. Crashing again and again. But the sensation has never been scary. It’s soothing._

Somebody sits him up and a straw is held up to his mouth.

“Alex, you’re bound to be dehydrated on top of everything else. Can you drink this for me?”

He initially sputters over the water since the entire world is feeling so murky, but manages to get it all down in record time, allowing them to leave him alone to sleep. A nap in the sand.

_For most of his childhood there had been nothing better than letting it wash over them and become one with the sea on the resorts beaches while their Mom worked inside as a housekeeper._

He has no concept of how much time passes in between his periods of awareness. All the lights are off in his room and the blinds are closed so Alex can’t tell if it’s night or day. One thing that is consistent is that he is never alone. Every time he is awake either Lin or Vanessa are either talking to him, sitting in bed next to him or curled up in the armchair in the corner of his room. That alone tells Alex that not much time must have passed since getting home. If it was later in the day Lin would be at his evening show. If it was night they’d be in bed. If it was morning Vanessa would be at work. Time must be moving in slow motion.

_For him and his brother James the ocean had been their friend, their protector, until one day it turned on them._

At one point he finds himself on the floor of the bathroom next to the toilet, with a horribly acidic taste in his mouth. Alex has no idea how he ended up here, if he was carried or if he made it over on his own power. A frantic voice is muttering above him.

“Why on earth would medication to treat migraines have vomiting as a common side effect? Isn’t that what it’s supposed to be stopping?”

Alex is so tired he lays down right where he is, resting his aching forehead against the cool tile of the bathroom floor. It feels pretty good.

He blinks and the next thing he knows Lin is crouching down next to him and scrubbing his face clean with a wet washcloth.

“You’re going to be okay Alexander. That can’t be comfortable though. Can you try to stay awake for just a few more minutes? If you feel like you’re done getting sick, we’ll get you back to bed just as soon as Vanessa is done changing your sheets.”

“Doesn’t need to do that,” he mutters.

“Actually, she does. Besides we’re your parents, so it’s our job. You might not realize this yet mijo, but this is how things are _supposed_ to be.”

On the floor of the bathroom? Alex is too groggy to follow what Lin is saying. In a rare act of disobedience he lets his eyes close…

_It began about dusk, at North, and raged very violently till ten o’clock. A scene sufficient to strike astonishment into angels._

 “Alex sweetheart, wake up for a second. I need to change your shirt.”

“Fine as is,” he mumbles, hoping to just be left alone to sleep. Not sure how, but he somehow managed to make it back in bed.

“No love, it’s completely soiled. I’d be a bad Mom if I let you stay in it. I’d also like to get you out of those jeans for the night if you’re okay with it.”

“Hmmm.”

“Is that a yes?” Alex gives a small nod. It’s hard to process what happening. It’s like trying to wade through mud. Everything, every action, every thought, seems to require so much more effort than normal and it’s exhausting.

Vanessa helps sit him up and props him up with pillows before tugging at his shirt (why is it so wet? why is he just now noticing this?).

“Can you lift your arms up for me hon?” His body really doesn’t want to comply, but he doesn’t want to disappoint her so he manages it just long enough for her to pull it off and tug a fresh shirt over him.

“Where’s Lin?” he whispers, glancing around. Oddly enough the realization that Lin’s not around causes a small (or not so small, but that’s all he’s willing to admit to) ting of anxiety.

“He’s waiting right outside. I know you two have a special bond, but we thought it might be easier having someone undress you if there wasn’t an adult male in the room.”

Oh.

They’re probably on to something with that because when Vanessa reaches to undo his jeans he has to hold back a terrified sob. To her credit, she stops dead in her tracks when she notices his reaction.

“It’s okay Alex, I’m stopping. I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to. I already got the buttons undone, all I’d have to do is slide it off. Know that I’m not going to do anything else; your boxers are staying on. But if you don’t consent that’s okay. The jeans can stay.”

“You can,” he squeaks out, closing his eyes.

“Kay, sweet pea, I’ll walk you through everything I’m doing. If there’s a part you don’t like just say something or kick me so I know to stop. Then I’m going to get you tucked in under the covers so you can go back to sleeping this off.

 _In a word, misery, in all its most hideous shapes, spread over the whole face of the country. Because of the ocean._  

A baby screams from another room and it’s all Alex can do to keep from screaming as well as his head throbs with the sudden spike in pain the noise brings. He tries to hide it though, knowing that it would cause offense to at all suggest the Miranda’s actual son was bothering him.

_It seemed as if a total dissolution of nature was taking place. It was an ultimate betrayal of trust._

A few other times nothing is happening, except for the fact that he’s crying. Crying because his head still _hurts_ , because nothing makes sense, because he feels so lousy, because he wants his Mom. Each time someone holds him, shushes him and rocks him back to sleep.

_He doesn’t care much for the ocean after that. Can’t be persuaded to get back in the waves, not that anyone would ever bother to try._

Alex wakes up to the sound of a pen scratching. He turns his head and finds Lin in bed next to him, writing in a notebook illuminated with a booklight. The fog in his brain has finally lifted; the murkiness striped away.

“Lin?”

The smile he gets is so full of warmth it’s almost overwhelming.

“Hi darling. How are you feeling?

“Still hurts, but… a lot better. Tired.”

Lin reaches forward to stroke his hair and Alex lets him.

“I’m not surprised. You didn’t exactly have the most restful night.”

 “W’time is it?”

“It’s a little after six. Still early. Go back to sleep.”

 Alex is confused, if it’s already morning then how come Lin or Vanesa were with him every time he woke up? He briefly considers that they might have taken turns staying up with him, but that idea is so foreign he dismisses it out of hand. He must have either slept through the night and all the memories were from before they went to bed, or he just woke up every time they stopped in briefly to check on him. 

Alex sits up, wincing at the dull throb the movement brings to his head. “I should get ready for school.”

“Absolutely not. There is not a single circumstance in which Vanessa and I would let you go to school today. Lie back down.”

“I’ve never stayed home after a headache before…” he mutters.

“Best get used to it bud. For the first time since coming to America, you’re living with competent adults.”

Alex can’t help but smile at this. Lin’s always had a flair for dramatics. It’s enough to get him back to bed.

“I can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re able to talk now. You really scared me with that yesterday.” Somebody is happy that he’s talking? That’s a first.

“I can actually think now. Before even thoughts hurt.”

“Oh mijo…” Alex hadn’t expected Lin to look so heartbroken by his words, had he known he would have kept that detail to himself. He makes a mental note to himself for the future.

“I’m okay. Promise. Feeling a bit drugged, but I’m _fine_ now.”

Lin gives him a look of clear disbelief. “You said your head still hurts.” Oops.

“Not like before. I can still function. I really could go to school.”

“No!” Lin stands up abruptly at this, prompting Alex to flinch back in fear. He’s sure Lin’s angry with him, but when he looks up Lin’s smiling fondly.  “There are days Alex, that I find it hard to believe you’re not biologically mine. We’re too similar. Stay in bed okay? I’m going to get you some Advil.”

It occurs to him that he’s never seen Lin truly mad before. He honestly doesn’t know what that what that would look like or what would happen. Alex mostly trusts Lin, but it’s hard to manage a threat when you don’t know what it is.

Lin returns within moments with the painkillers as well as a bottle of neon Gatorade and some saltine crackers. He hands Alex the bottle and places the rest on the bedside table.

“Small sips, okay. No more than a few mouthfuls to start with. Same for the crackers, just nibble for now. We don’t want another repeat of last night.”

“What happened last night?”

“We gave you too much water,” is all he supplies. Alex just now notices that his bedding and comforter are not familiar. He blushes at the implications, despite not remembering what happened.

“Sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault. If anything, it was the migraine medications fault. And mine for failing to read the fine print on the bottle before giving it to you. Speaking of which you are due for another dose, but I’d prefer to wait until the pharmacy opens at eight so you can take an anti-emetic with it.”

Alex finds himself pouting at this. 

“Don’t want any more medicine. I already feel drugged up to my eyeballs.”

“I don’t blame you kiddo, but you also need to. From what the doctor says it’s crucial that we do something about it when the pain is still manageable. This is going to be our new normal.”

Alex sighs. He honestly doesn’t feel well enough to argue with Lin right now. Though he has yet to try alcohol, he imagines this is what a bad hangover feels like. It currently feels as though a person is standing behind him pushing on either side of his head. And yes, that is a huge improvement.  He instead takes the offered Advil and tries a few bites of the cracker. He glances up and squirms a little under the tight scrutiny under which Lin is staring at him with.

“Shouldn’t you be with Sebastian?” he asks taking another sip of the oddly colored liquid.

“My parents took him for the night.”

“What?” he breathes.  Surely, he heard that wrong.

Lin shrugs as though it’s _nothing._ “Babies aren’t good at the concept of extreme noise sensitivity. It was causing you pain, so he got some Abuela and Abuelo time. They were delighted.”

Alex swallows a few times against the rising bile in his throat. That’s just… too much. It’s far too much. They sent away their actual son, even for just a couple of hours, because of him? The scrappy, immigrant, bastard orphan foster kid? He can’t even begin to process that.     

“Alex, you okay kid? You’re looking green. Do you need the bathroom? We’ve got a bowl right here if you need it. Were the crackers too much?” Lin is rambling.

“No, I’m okay,” he says softly, taking several deep breaths against the panic. He knows from experience that adding on a panic attack when he’s already so unwell is not something his body would be able to handle. Speaking of which…

“Did I….did I faint while you were carrying me to the cab?”

“You did, you passed out right in my arms. It’s okay though. I mean, that moment did take away a good five to ten years from my lifespan that I’m never getting back, but it’s fine.” He says it’s fine, but Lin’s face and the way his voice cracks tells a different story.

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything I put you through yesterday. I-I realize that was not at all what you signed up for when you took me in.”

He wasn’t supposed to be so broken. No one wants a broken kid.

“No Alex, I’m the one who should be apologizing. I really messed up yesterday mijo. You told me you had a headache, that’s why you asked to be picked up, and I just dismissed it. That never should have gotten as bad as it did, and if I hadn’t been neglecting your needs it wouldn’t have. I’m sorry _you_ had to go through that.”

“You didn’t know. I didn’t tell you.”

Lin smiles sadly at him. “Maybe this is a discussion we should save for another time. You look exhausted. You need to sleep if you’re going to get better. Will you let me tuck you back into bed?”

Alex nods shyly. All this talk and emotional baggage really is draining and his headache, dull as it may be, is starting to dial up a notch.

Lin proceeds to just that, going as far as to smooth out the covers over him before leaning forward and kissing him tenderly on the forehead. Alex surprises himself by not flinching away.

“Buenas noches Alex. Know that I care about you very much mi Corazon.” 

This is a problem. He likes Lin too much. He trusts Lin too much. He loves-

No. 

He can’t think that way; this is a dangerous route he’s going down. Any foster kid will tell you how dangerous attachments are.

Piecing together exactly what happened the day before is an exhausting affair. The memories are odd. He had been in so much pain, feeling as though an alien was trying to burst through his skull, so sick, so out of it. Yet there are also memories of warmth, anxiety in the room that was not his, and being so tenderly cared for. Lin had held him in such a way that hadn’t happened since…his mother had died holding him.

Shit.

_The ocean betrayed him. It can never again be trusted._

**Author's Note:**

> A follow up to this follow up will be coming (very) soon!
> 
> Parts of the italics came directly from Hamilton's account of the hurricane. 
> 
> Standard disclaimer: This story includes character Lin-Manuel based upon traits and I am in no way suggesting it to be the actual man.


End file.
